I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
