what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
