I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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