the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
