i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
