The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
