That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
