White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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