my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
