He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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