Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
