I got chris browned last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
