real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
