she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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