i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
