ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
