I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
