When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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