He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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