i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
