some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
