I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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