I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
