Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
