yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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