Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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