we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
