Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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