just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
