Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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