Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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