he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
