Buhtt sex?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
