I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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