did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
