what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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