My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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