i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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