Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
