Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
