my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
