Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
