Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
