i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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