I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
