I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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