He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
