The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
