you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
