the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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