he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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