I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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