If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
