she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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