It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
