Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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