I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
