seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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