Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
