Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
