Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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